Credit goes to Jessica at Go Fug Yourself.
I Fug to Believe
SPECIAL AGENT DANA SCULLY: Mulder. You made it.
SPECIAL AGENT FOX MULDER: Hey, Scully. God. Wow. Yeah, I jogged all the way here.
SCULLY: I can tell. Did you even shave today?
MULDER: You're not my mom. Speaking of, is that my baby?
SCULLY: Well, considering that I recall an incident in which you stole my ova from a shady and poorly-lit government facility and decided the best place to keep them was in YOUR FREEZER at your APARTMENT, I haven't the foggiest idea HOW I got pregnant.
MULDER: Didn't we have a baby toward the end of that last thing we did together?
SCULLY: Please, no one watched that. Personally, I'm hoping it comes out looking like Deputy Director Skinner.
MULDER: But...I'm so dreamy! We've shared so many moments where we ALMOST kissed, before being attacked by bees or any number of things!
SCULLY: Yes, but look at you now. You look homeless, Mulder. What is going on?
MULDER: I don't know. Maybe I'm depressed. I miss Krycek. And the Lone Gunmen. And all the other moderately interesting people from the series that have been killed off, thus dooming us to appear in a movie with a bunch of tertiary characters that no one cares about.
SCULLY: I see your point. I'm sorry. Maybe I'm just cranky, because I haven't eaten since six o'clock this morning and all that was was half a cream cheese bagel. And it wasn't even real cream cheese. It was light cream cheese.
MULDER: Let's go get you some popcorn.
SCULLY: Let's go get you some shampoo.