I spent the evening with a good friend, who told me "Girl, you need to let it go. Stop trying to make a bad situation feel better. It's painful and you have to grieve, cry, break shit, then let go. Otherwise you will never be yourself again."
So I am doing just that. After I threw out all the mementoes, I thought I'd be healed. I wasn't. After I bought a new cell phone, I thought I'd stop calling. I didn't. After I went out and had sex with someone else, I thought I'd forget. I haven't.
But at least I've done those things. I am able to enjoy an evening out with friends. I am able to sleep with a man without crying. I have lost tons of weight. I have two fabulous children who love me more than life itself. I am single and smart and funny and talented. I like my life.
Does this sound as pitiful to y'all as it does to me? Suddenly I've turned into that "I like myself" guy on Saturday Night Live. But only temporarily. Yesterday another friend said to me "Once you've gotten past this, the next storm you weather won't knock you down. It will barely make you bend an inch, you'll be so dang strong." How long till I get there, do you think?
2 comments:
As cliche as it sounds, you just have to take it one day at a time. The days are hard, of course, but the new ones keep coming. From what I've read here, you're headed in the right direction. You are fabulous and have a lot to offer any man, and I'm glad you're seeing that. Most of us have been through what you are now experiencing, Julie. Funny, isn't it, how we grieve the most over the ones that we know are NOT good for us. When this happened to me, I did a lot of googling about toxic relationships. It helped. Just realize that you're both great people, just not together. That's a hard pill to swallow, but once you accept that, the hate goes away, and your new life begins. And, yes, the weight loss, Toxic Relationship Weight Watchers works way better than the original. Glad you're coming along.
I think you're going to be just fine. It's OK to like yourself and admire your very own fabulosity. Do that. Be unapologetic. Buy yourself something outrageous. Wear age inapporpriate clothing. Dance on a table. Dig your life.
xox
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