I spent the evening with a good friend, who told me "Girl, you need to let it go. Stop trying to make a bad situation feel better. It's painful and you have to grieve, cry, break shit, then let go. Otherwise you will never be yourself again."
So I am doing just that. After I threw out all the mementoes, I thought I'd be healed. I wasn't. After I bought a new cell phone, I thought I'd stop calling. I didn't. After I went out and had sex with someone else, I thought I'd forget. I haven't.
But at least I've done those things. I am able to enjoy an evening out with friends. I am able to sleep with a man without crying. I have lost tons of weight. I have two fabulous children who love me more than life itself. I am single and smart and funny and talented. I like my life.
Does this sound as pitiful to y'all as it does to me? Suddenly I've turned into that "I like myself" guy on Saturday Night Live. But only temporarily. Yesterday another friend said to me "Once you've gotten past this, the next storm you weather won't knock you down. It will barely make you bend an inch, you'll be so dang strong." How long till I get there, do you think?