Jobs and love

I got the job! It's very exciting, but also a little nerve-wracking. I have three sections to teach each semester, but luckily only two preps. But even so, that's more than I've ever had before. I get to put together a film class, and I'm thinking a cross-cultural film noir American-French kind of thing. That will be loads of fun, provided they have a decent projector in my classroom. Their facilities are less than the style to which I have become accustomed.

Now, onto something that is really bothering me, my ongoing murky relationship with this man I'm crazy about. Here's what keeps happening that puzzles me: He and I make contact, by email, text, phone, whatever. We have a lovely series of emails, texts, or a lovely four-hour chat. I feel close to him and I think he's feeling close to me. Then the next day, he pulls away again, is busy, has no time, or just isn't around. I feel okay with it, cause we had the night before and I know that he is whatever he is, and needs some space. Then the next day, ditto. I make an attempt to contact him, he replies, in a friendly, non-committal way. That's fine. Kind of. Then nothing. Then I get worried, cause my insecurities pop up to say "Are you crazy? He's obviously hiding something from you!" Then I get past that, cause I am wiser now, and think "Give him a break. He loves you, this is just all he can handle right now. Remember you're not IN a relationship." And everything is fine again. Then he calls, we have another four-hour conversation, he tells me he loves me and it starts all over again.

The problem is that we are in a relationship, just one that has no real name. Or parameters. Or touching. That's actually okay. What bothers me is that there's a big gap that I'm afraid is not going away, like EVER. I can handle waiting. I can handle weirdness. I understand how hard it is for him. But I feel like I'm in Groundhog Day a little bit. Is this what he meant when he used to tell me "You'll get tired of my shit too, like they all do"? Does he push people (women) away until they finally have no other choice but to actually GO away? Is this the "we drifted apart" I've heard about...in truth a self-fulfilling prophecy kind of drift? Intentional but not intentional..? I want to stay around, I miss him when he's not in my life, but I guess I'm beginning to feel the strain. Sunday he completely blew me off in a very cold way, and I have to ask myself if he's not trying to tell me to go away without having to tell me.

Well I'm not going anywhere. We're gonna have to figure out how to work this friend-/relationship, cause I am not giving up on us. It's too important.

And he's the best.

Friday, May 23, Fabulous Forty Watt Club. Be there or be L7

I would venture a guess that Dexter and sister Sara rival the greatness that was Dexter and Crow. Of course, we're all older now, but still. Compare:





You know what I love about Dexter? Every time I see him he asks me about French poetry stuff, and quotes me some Baudelaire. Only he calls him "Charrrls BOW-da-layer." What a doll. Who would think Dex loves Bowdalayer?

Go. See. Them.

Music an' shit

I have Sirius radio. I got it from the kiddos for Mother's Day. It's the most amazing thing...I think it's changed my life. I find myself going on unnecessary errands now, which is really great considering the price of gasoline, but I don't care cause the pleasure I experience from the music playing in my car makes it all worth it.

Tonight I met Domenica for pinot noir at Apres Diem. We got a bit tipsy. On the way home I loudly blared various stations - my fave is "First Wave," which plays stuff from the late 70's and early 80's, as one might expect by the name. It's fabulous. I heard this song just as I got in the car, which I swear I've never heard before. It blew me away, partly because I am drunk, partly because it so goes along with my mid 80's vibe of earlier in the day. It made me miss Kris Clower again, really badly. Great song...



That thing he does with his voice at around 2:05...then again at 3:04...I love it. I sang it over and over all the way home. What a great pop song. What funny lyrics. I've always had this I-know-he's-gay-but-so-what crush on Morrissey. Now I remember why.

Then I changed the station, and heard this, another blast from the past:



I hate ELO, I thought, but man...what a great song this is - the harmonies...the sentiment...the melody...the memories from high school. Just lovely. I can't wait to go somewhere tomorrow and listen to more.

Bad episode at Bloomingdales...

When my person and I first started communicating back in early February, he wrote me about a "bad episode" he had earlier had on Amazon, during which he made a massive purchase of some fancy All Classic Movies of All Time, which included 100 films on a rolling tray contraption. He obviously spent a lot of money on it, and it was a hilarious story, but I remember thinking, "Why would you do that?" I've always loved shopping, but have never gone and bought shit just to feel better. Well, today I realized the soothing calm that comes from overspending on something you don't really need. I went to Bloomingdale's with my daughter after I got home from my disappointing Athens trip. All I needed was some facial soap, but Rosie insisted we shop. Since I was feeling really blue I decided what the hell, I love to shop, so off into Lenox Mall we went.

Oh the beauty of Lenox! When I first moved to Atlanta after college in the mid-80's, I spent much of my life at this mall, and in fact worked in the men's fragrance counter of Macy's for a while. Being there again made me feel like it was 1986 and I was out with Kris Clower trying on clothes and shoes and buying lots of makeup and stuff getting ready for a Saturday night at Weekend's. It was invigorating. We went to J Crew (ooooooooo!), Coach (aaaaaaaaa!), Kenneth Cole and the Mac store. I don't have a Mac...I don't even like them...but heavens! This store! It's all music and light and pretty people and pretty toys...I decided I need a iPod Touch. It was sooooooo beautiful. And there was some fabulous speaker system thing to go with your iPod Touch that I need too. Rosie and I played with it and searched for the Killers and played "Jenny" and "Andy" and "On Top." Bad choice, cause the Killers always remind me of him, so I got all sad. I bought them both. Egad.

Then back we went to Bloomingdale's. We had moved on to the upstairs level of Lenox by now, so as we entered the store we found ourselves right at the beautiful women's clothes. I perused some swimsuits...lovely...and some skirts...gorgeous...then suddenly I spotted the most beautiful dress I've ever seen. It's white silky (but not shiny) soft material, and tailored just right. It's sleeveless and hugs my waist and makes my bottom look really cute. I bought it. It was $200. Is that bad? I guess not really, but I sure don't have any money right now. But at least I look fabulous.

Men. Who knows what they're ever thinking? I console myself with fashion.

Athens

Woohoo! I'm in Athens again. I came up tonight so that I can go see Joel Black, a very cool comp lit professor who wrote a book I'm using in my dissertation called The Aesthetics of Murder. I highly recommend it to those who are interested in the crime of murder. We have an early morning meeting, after which I have no idea what I'll do. I thought I was getting together with a person dear to my heart, but it looks like it may not happen. I have no idea why...

So I'm sitting here in a hotel room, alone. It's kind of nice...I love hotels anyway, and it's nice to be able to do whatever I want. I had dinner tonight at the famous Taco Stand. BBD and QO, with chips and a half order of guac. As far as I know, I'm the only person who eats this particular combination. Ha. It was fabulous to be here again.

Anyone out there want to do lunch tomorrow?

I'm just going back to fantasy

Cause reality sucks.

Dexter and Deb

So I'm a big fan of Dexter, and was recently told that Michael Hall, the actor who plays Dexter, had divorced his wife and begun dating Jennifer Carpenter, the woman who plays his sister, Deb on the show. Watching tonight's episode (on t.v., nothing like on dvd...), I got curious, and decided to google them and see what was up. Indeed, the two are a couple, and he left his wife at the same time he began to date her.


Okay, that's weird. But what's really creepy is that her ex-boyfriend was listed as Christian Camargo, whose photo looked so familiar to me I had to google him. Oh my God...of course he looks familiar. He's the actor who plays Rudy Cooper, aka Brian Moser, aka the Ice Truck Killer, aka Dexter's brother.


Oh now that's just wrong. Here's what dose.ca had to say about it:

Dexter Stars Keep It in the Family. Um, Ewwww

We've reported on some rumoured Hollywood hookups in the past that have made us want to cry (Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard), upchuck (Diane Keaton and Keanu Reeves) and throw our hands to the heavens and scream "why, God, why?!?" (Ryan Gosling and Kirsten Dunst), but no odd couple sighting has ever left us trembling in the corner in the fetal position, crying for our mommies to come and make the icky visuals stop racing through our heads.

That is, until we heard about Dexter star Michael C. Hall's rumoured relationship with his TV sister, Jennifer Carpenter. Everyone's favourite serial killer has reportedly been spending lots of off-screen quality time with his little sis, reports People.

The small screen sibs were spotted dining at the Sunset Tower Hotel last week, celebrating news that their Showtime show won a prestigious Peabody award.

"It was romantic," an eyewitness tells People. "They were drinking champagne and there was the clinking of glasses. They were clearly celebrating."

"I don't see what the big deal is," a source close to the couple adds. "They play brother and sister on the show, but they are actors, after all."

Not a big deal? Oh sure, it's all puppies and rainbows now, but just wait until she looks twice at another man and Dexter retaliates by Saran Wrapping his ass and cutting him up into tiny little pieces.

And they didn't even know about the Rudy connection. Shiver...

And I thought Mariettans were incestuous!