Unseen photos

Man, there's nothing like trying to get over a love, being pitifully unable to do so, and suddenly having someone post photos of the two of you that you'd never seen before. I was in FB today, and saw a note that Jackie had tagged me in three of her pics. As soon as I saw the title of the album they were in, "Halloweens over the years," I knew it was gonna be pics of me and Paul. And I was right. These two:


Plus another one of him I hadn't seen, from the same party. I think I must have taken it.


I remember this night so well. It was what proved to be our last Halloween together, 2007. I had found a dress at Rebecca's house that looked just like a playing card, and I decided to be the Queen of Hearts. Paul didn't want to dress up, of course, but he'd do anything for me so he agreed to be the King of Hearts. On our way to the party, which was at Rebecca and Jackie's friends house, we stopped at the liquor store on LaVista, across from McDonald's. Afterwards Paul and I later had a running joke about the guy who worked there, cause when we went up to pay, he looked at my costume and said "Oh! What are you tonight?" or something, in kind of broken English (Paul, do you remember what he said exactly? I can't...) and I said "The Queen of Hearts." He nodded exhuberantly and said "Oh yes, yes! The mother of Jesus!" and we bout died laughing. I'm still unsure what the disconnect was, but it was priceless.

We cut out all the little hearts and I safety pinned them to our clothes in the hotel room before leaving for the party. Paul (or did I?) painted the hearts on my face with an old lipstick, but he wouldn't let me put any on his face...had to draw the line somewhere. We had so much fun at that party, mainly because it was seriously the dullest party either of us could remember ever going to. We kept waiting for the fun to start, then realized that, um, this was it. After finishing all our vodka or whatever we had brought, we left. It was seriously that boring (I apologize if Jackie or Reb are reading this...it was!) We went back to the room and I remember having a fight about something, then making up and having passionate make-up sex for hours and hours.

It was a typical night for us, and I miss it so. I'm happy and very sad at the same time to have seen these pics of the two of us. I remember Paul and I had brought his mother's really old digital camera to the party for some reason (where was my regular camera? How did we get his mom's? And why?) and we took several pics, but never could get them uploaded. I'd always wanted to see the two of us as the King and Queen of Hearts, and I guess I got my wish. A little late, but there's something cosmic in the fact that they just now showed up.

It kind of kills me a little to look at these, especially that second one, where I'm tucked up underneath his arm, his hand on my hip. He always said that we fit together perfectly, and indeed, our body language speaks everything that there was between us. We were very close, in every way, and I have no idea where all that went. We were a part of each other, and that part of me that was his is just all broken to hell. How is it that he doesn't feel this split, this shattered-ness, too? This wasn't just a fling, it was the real deal. These pics verify that for me. Odd that they showed up today, when I've been feeling some things so incredibly strongly about him and me. I'll wait to see what it might mean.

"If you were a jacket..." 2008 style

Rosie and Zoe re-enact their video fun of last year, as our party winds down:



I think my favorite part of this is Dorothy. And oddly enough, I make the exact same cameo appearance as I did last year! Gotta work on doing something besides sticking my tongue out at the camera. It was a good party, not as crowded as last year but nice and relaxed. Something has happened to my children and their friends, quite possibly they're growing up. There was no screaming, no running in the house, nothing got spilled or broken, it was almost like they weren't even there! Odd, yet not unpleasant. I have lots of delicious wine left over, and cheese, and chocolate. Yummmm. Come on over and help us finish it off!

So tonight I'm taking it easy, not going to Athens, due to the fact that I couldn't find anyone to go with, instead staying in and vegging on the couch. In a way I'm relieved, cause I'm really exhausted, and I have compositions to grade and pressies to wrap. And in a way I'm let down, cause I have absolutely no social life. Truth is I'm a little sad tonight. Ah well, Cops and AMW and Cheaters should cure that! Hope everyone else out there is at an incredibly fun Christmas party...

Party time!

This weekend is my big party. I got all the food and had the house cleaned today before taking the kids to piano, tomorrow I'm buying booze and doing last-minute decorating before going to Rosie's Christmas party at school, and I'm grading papers and writing Christmas cards in between. Whew! So, a few years ago, pre-party, I remember writing a post about how I needed a chimenea for my party. I never bought one, and would love to have one before tomorrow. And some nice outdoor seating. Maybe I'll squeeze in a trip to Target or something for some plastic chairs. They'll go nice with the crystal wine glasses. We bought some fabulous food, Nicholas is making his famous guacamole, I got some of those decadent Sister Schubert rolls to make little honey baked ham sandwiches with, and some brie and crackers. And fabulous wine. Cause it's all about the food.




I'm also going to Michael Lachowski's annual Christmas party in Athens G-A this weekend, which I haven't been to in years. I am very excited, but also nervous that people I can't see will show up. If so it's okay, cause I am going to go with a man (still not sure who) and I'll be able to handle it, but still, it makes me sad. Paul and I loved Michael's parties. Blech.

Here's the 2004 party: Curtis, Heather, and our fearless host

Kathleen and Michael "I think I knew you 20 years ago" Stipe. This was the party where he actually said that...

The lovely Lynda, the handsome Curtis

Paul and Curtis, before the joke-telling extravaganza

Mr. Lilje and me

In other news, I'm almost finished with my chapter. I am meeting with Candace in early early January and give it to her. I may actually finish the PhD this year, as in 2009. How exciting is that? I've got a lot of work to do still, especially with teaching three classes again in the spring, but I'm going to try to squeeze the last drops of inspiration out of my poor brain before the end of spring semester. I'm becoming embarrassed at myself for taking so long; clearly it's time.

Of course all I can think about it what to wear... who knew there were so many choices? Though I suppose Emory will tell me which one I'm supposed to wear. I hope I get one of the fun little beret hats...

Throwing a Party

What are y'all doing for the holidays? How's the weather where you are? I'm getting ready for a HUGE Christmas party I throw every year (it's tomorrow night,) and it's getting really cold here. I wish I had one of those outside stove things so guests could gather on the patio...a chiminea (I looked it up). This one is nice:


No, I like this one better:

Do these start to look oddly sexual the more you look at them, or is it just me?

Anyway, big party tomorrow night. I've overinvited, considering my small house, but the truth is I did it on purpose. I think it will be fun to have a really huge crowd all crammed in here together...it kind of makes it more festive. As always, I'm providing Honeybaked ham and turkey and heating up some delicious Sister Schubert rolls. They make mini-sandwiches to die for. I've got cheese straws, cashews, wine, beer, sweet tea, mixers...am I forgetting anything? My guests bring their own favorite dishes so we have a regular smorgasbord by the time it gets going. They also bring their kids. It's a big, noisy, fun evening.

This year is a little bittersweet, though, just like everything else in my life. I remember preparing for this event the last few years and how different my heart felt as I pulled all the details together. Tonight, even though I'm really having a good time getting everything ready, I keep thinking of the one person I wish I had here with me, to help me with the last-minute, pull-it-all-together panic, like he did two years ago. I remember that year, how rich and complete I felt, and how incredible my party was. I also remember last Christmas, thinking "this time next year, I'll be single, and doing all this with him." But that time never came.

I will brave tomorrow night alone, and enjoy the hell out of it, too. I have to do it sometime, right? I mean, life does go on, not the same, but good in its newness.